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Kosher Sex - Chat with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Pre-Marital Sex, Prostitution, Cyber-Sex

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Vivax says:
Rabbi, is this the first online live chat you have held? Do you plan to hold more?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
Yes, the first. If there are people interested, why not?

Host says:
Does pre-marital sex lessen the chances of being happily married?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
I think so. It makes us more objective about sex. A man should not be able to answer whether or not his wife is good in bed. Only, whether or not he enjoys sex with her. Men and women today are far too great experts in sex. We are becoming far too objective.

Helenmalcolm says:
Why is being objective about sex not good?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
It is good to be objective about your children? There are those areas of life which are fundamentally subjective. Sex, is one of the those areas. It’s about putting ourselves on autopilot, behaving instinctually, not evaluating each other's performance.

Host says:
Rabbi - are Jews allowed to visit prostitutes?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
No. Don’t believe any balderdash that says then can. Judaism demands that all men and women experience sex the best way. And that is, where they can have really uninhibited sex because they are devoted to each other. They are not ashamed to be around one another because they are totally committed. They are not afraid of exposing their soft underbelly. Many people today have sex with full body armor, with all their inhibitions intact, with their defenses up.

Host says:
What about Yehuda and Tamar?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
It seems that he raped her. But whatever the story is, it certainly wasn't allowed.

Host says:
Rabbi-what do you think of cyber-sex and phone-sex?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
They may be fun while they last, but very, very cold and disappointing when they end. That's why I'm opposed. I want people to enjoy sex so that they use it to their advantage in marriage. If we don't, what glue do we have to keep a man and woman under the same roof for the duration of their lives.

Host says:
what about oral sex?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
Now you're getting controversial. I got into a lot of trouble on that one. Basically, the Torah prohibits intentional destruction of seed. But, I contend that oral sex does not constitute this since the couple is not looking to frustrate the impregnation process but rather simply to do something new so that their sex doesn't become boring. The most important thing is always to have a healthy sex life with your spouse.

SSB says:
Do you really think sex is a major Jewish topic today?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
Well, Judaism should respond to all the great questions of existence. And this, is certainly one of the greatest. The Bible deals with the subject openly and in a very mature way.

Host says:
Thank you Rabbi Boteach for volunteering your time and energy to join us online today. Do you want to make a closing statement?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
For any relationship to be successful, what we need is the coming together as opposites. We want to be best friends on the one hand, and lovers on the other hand. Friendship is a love like water - it is predictable, soothing, calm. The other is a love like fire - it's consuming, it thrives on novelty, it flickers constantly.

How can fire and water come together? It's specifically by using sex, or passion, as the road to intimacy - specifically when sex is used to bring forth our deepest emotions to co coalesce, otherwise they remain permanently at war.

Host says:
Thank you very much Rabbi Boteach. The chat was informative and fun. Thank you all for joining us in chat today too.
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