Kosher Sex - Chat with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Purity Laws, Birth Control, Sexism

Shappy says:
Women need novelty in a relationship as well.

Rabbi_Boteach says:
True, but their novelty comes about vertically, through deeper levels of the male personality. But men think that novelty means new flesh. They see novelty as coming horizontally. That's their mistake. But a wife must still grapple with it.

Host says:
What do you mean by "turning a marriage into an illicit affair" and how can couples do this?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
Whereas marriage often loses its spark and novelty, statistics show that adultery retains its interest, for couples who are having an illicit affair. What I do is teach couples how to take the best elements of adultery and bring it into their marriage, for example, separation and renewal, jealousy, etc.

Phantasea says:
What if the man and woman’s sexual IQ are not on the same level, and say the woman wishes more sex in the marriage then she is getting from her husband, then what?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
I believe that sexual incompatibility is a myth created by lazy men who don't take the time to stimulate their wives. The same is true when a man says that he isn't as interested in sex as his wife, often he is saying that he is losing interest in his wife. This is a problem with the marriage, not only with one of them.

Host says:
How does the outlook on sex differ in Judaism than in other religions?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
Judaism has a very positive view of sex, referring to it as knowledge. Sex in Judaism is the essence of marriage because it brings forth our deepest emotions, unlike conversation or shopping. G-d designed for us to be lovers, not music or museum lovers.
Host says:
What is the importance of the purity laws to a good sex?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
They are extremely important. They allow for a rebuilding of our libidinous reserve. Also, they allow for two weeks of physical intimacy, followed by two weeks of emotional intimacy. So that we can be lovers for two weeks, and then best friends for two weeks, rather than trying to do both simultaneously.

Phantasea says:
Yes, but is it not true that in orthodox Judaism sex is thought of only as a vehicle to procreate?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
Absolutely not. That's Catholicism. In Judaism, the purpose of sex is to sew two strangers together as one flesh.

Host says:
Are birth controls allowed in Judaism?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
Yes, if the couple already has a boy and a girl, or if the mother is suffering mental duress, etc. But we love children. Condoms are not allowed, serving as they do as an artificial barrier to intimacy.

Vivax says:
Rabbi-how are you coping with the storm of criticism directed against you?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
Criticism comes with the job. It sucks, but that's life.

Host Susan_host1 says:
lol

Host says:
Do you think Judaism is a sexist religion?

Rabbi_Boteach says:
No, Judaism is a deeply feminine religion. It believes that the feminine nurturing model is the way all people should live. Our great men throughout the ages were feminine figures, teachers, scholars, rather than warriors.