Where are you for Seder this year?

Where are you for Seder this year? Sounds like a simple enough question. But didn't they always tell us not to judge a Haggadah by its cover? "Where are you for Seder?" is actually one of the most emotionally-loaded Jewish questions in existence.

I think that this emotion springs from the Seder's tight tie to our root identities. Remember when your baby sister ate a spoonful of the invitingly red horseradish dip, and then turned bright red herself? Remember that yummy meringue-topped apple cake your aunt made every year? Remember how you and your cousins sang Had Gad Yad with sound effects for the different animals? Some of our strongest childhood memories are of our experiences around the Seder table.

The bonding nature of the Seder experience also adds to the emotion behind this loaded Seder question. When you relive these memories, with whom do you want to be? Your spouse's family? Your family? Your friends? Which friends? Afterall, the memories you create at this year's Seder will be the ones your children will carry with them as they separate and form their own families.

Given the ages of our children, we decided to have a small Seder this year - just the six members of our immediate family and a lone IDF soldier or two. We figured our kids are old enough to create a fun and interesting Seder. And as our 16-year-old daughter already has one foot out the door, how many more times will we even be a six-some for Seder?

The advantage of a small Seder is that each child can really make an impact. In addition to influencing the Seder menu with their special requests, each child will help cook. They will also help decorate the living room Exodus scene (for the Haggadah reading) and set the dining room table (for the Seder meal). Most importantly, each child will contribute toward making the Seder a fun educational experience.

Yael (7) is making a crown for the Seder. At different times during the Seder, she'll put it on someone's head and hang the name of a plague on it. The person wearing the crown will be allowed to ask ten questions in an effort to figure out which plague he is wearing. The one who guesses their plague with the fewest questions wins a prize. Gilad (10) is making a bingo game. Each card will have words on it from the Haggadah. As we read through the Haggadah, if we come across a word on our card, then we'll cover it with a piece of matza. The first one to fill his or her card wins a prize. Noam (14) is making a "Who Wants to be a Free Millionaire" trivia game. And Maytal (16) has written something about freedom that she learned during her recent trip to Nazi concentration camps in Poland.

The Passover Seder celebrates the Israelites' liberation and the birth of the Jewish nation, of which we are a part today. How fortunate are we to have the freedom to decide how we want to experience and pass on our wonderful heritage!

I wish each of you an enjoyable and memorable Passover.