Question: In a second marriage, should a new bed be purchased according to Jewish law?
Kavod HaRav Ari Enkin,
I am a widower and am about to be engaged. My future wife brought up a
question of my bed. She asked me to find out if it is appropriate to
use the same bed that I had with my late wife? My own opinion is that it is an object made of materials and has no memory or soul. If we start with the bed, then maybe next the bedroom, because that is where my wife died. We can go on and on till I have to move out of the house. I can understand that it would be inappropriate to use my late wife's clothes or personal items, but if we start with the furniture, where do we stop?
Respectfully, Dr. W.B.
Answer: Dear Dr. W.B.,
I thank you for turning to me with such a delicate matter.
There is nothing to be concerned about from a halachic perspective. There are some issues that halacha gives jurisdiction over to the world of emotion to decide.
In your sensitive situation your future wife's concerns should be given serious consideration. Being uncomfortable using the same beds as you had with your first wife is completely understandable. Different experiences trigger different emotions in different people.
My advice would be to discuss this issue with your future wife in a very open manner. I believe that any reasonable requests that your wife may make for a re-arrangement of your bedroom be taken under serious consideration.
May God bless your zivvug for everything good!
Rabbi Ari Enkin
Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel
