Question: Is inhospitality a sin in Judaism? Is hospitality a mitzvah?
Dear Rabbi Page,
Where is it written "INHOSPITALITY is a sin?
Thank you for your help.
Shalom, Irv
Answer: It is an interesting question because INHOSPITALITY is a very amorphous term. For some it means not welcoming people into your home for extended stays. For others it would include having guests, but using the cheap dishes.
So let us begin with the conceptual source. Avraham left off a discussion with the A-lmighty and went to greet the angels when he was three days post-surgical (from a Bris Milah). He ran to greet them during the hottest day on record and served them the best food he could put together.
Based on Avraham’s example, our Sages (of blessed memory) say that taking care of guests is greater then receiving the divine presence. Quite amazing.
But let's delve a little more into the story. Rashi (quoting our Sages) explains that the A-lmighty did not want Avraham to be disturbed during his recuperation process. It was only when Avraham demonstrated that he felt bad not being able to welcome guests that He sent the angels in lieu of normal guests.
Thus, we learn from this that the Mitzvah (commandment) fluctuates depending on one’s perspective and desire. This is because the underpinnings of the Mitzvah are just an adjunct of doing Chesed (kindness). Chesed is the desire to give to others.
Interestingly, there are very contradictory meanings to the word Chesed. On the one hand it refers to acts of kindness, and on the other hand it is used as an extremely derogatory term for someone who is intimate with their sibling. Rather extreme wouldn't you say. But the explanation is profoundly important. Giving must occur within limits. Some things can be given and some can not. Sometimes I must give my children prizes and treats. But if my daughter is upset because I disciplined her for bad behavior, then I can not calm her down with a special prize. Similarly, the greatest giving that man ever experiences is with his spouse in taking care of her deepest emotional needs. The process of extending beyond oneself and sharing is a profound level of giving that creates the deepest bonds.
However, the giving of oneself to a sibling is not an act of extending beyond oneself and sharing, but rather it is breaching the limits of kindness. It is auto-erotic and profoundly damaging to the sensitivities of the giver and recipient.
Another important point to make concerning acts of kindness is that we should imitate the A-lmighty in the way we give. He gives us the space to develop on our own through our own choices, thereby truly making ourselves better. This is in direct contrast to forcing us to do His will, in which case we would not grow and would be mere puppets. This deep Kabalistic concept is worth thinking about to gain greater insight into how we should be kind to others.
I'll finish this idea with an article I once saw. There is a quasi-thrift shop located in Borough Park, New York. It looks like any other high end shop. The clothes are on hangers and arranged nicely. The price tags on the clothes are quite steeply marked. There is a checkout counter. Parents bring their children there and try on things as they would in a normal clothing shop. The kids love getting nice clothes. But the trick is that at checkout the clerk runs the clothes through the scanner and there is a discount code applied of around 95 percent. The customers pay and the entire family retain its self respect while being helped. Who helped them? The person behind the process is virtually invisible. The entire process focuses on maintaining the self-respect of the recipient of the giving. In all of our acts of kindness that should be our focus.
There is more to learn from the story of Avraham. Avraham tried to serve fresh bread to his guests. But due to unforeseeable circumstances, the bread became unclean. Avraham decided, then, not to serve it. Thus, we learn that kosher standards should not be compromised to improve the quality of the meal served. Our overarching responsibility in the welcoming of guests is to do it as Jews. Though I am sure his wife felt bad that there was no bread with the meal, it did not deter them from doing their best. Similarly, the Midrash explains that Avraham stood over his guests and had them recite the blessings over the food. This is because he both wanted to share with his guests in a way that taught them about his sensitivities to the A-lmighty, and he did not want to violate the prohibition of placing a stumbling block before them.
The last point I would like to make is that Rashi comments that Avraham had them wash their feet before entering his house. He explains that the Arabs of the time worshipped the dust on their feet, and Avraham did not want the guests to bring idolatry into his house.
Thus, we learn that while we perform the mitzvah of opening our home and life to others, we must maintain boundaries to maintain our convictions. This can often be challenging. We must be dedicated to our ideals, and our ideals become our limits on how we go about helping others. Do not underestimate the difficulty of being hospitable and showing kindness, while maintaining boundaries. We often blur those lines because we are doing a Mitzvah. One must try to avoid making this mistake. As our Sages (IBM) say "A Mitzvah (commandment from God) is not an Aveirah (prohibition).”
I hope I have helped introduce the profundity of this mitzvah and answered your question.
Wish you success in your growing Judaism,
Rabbi A. Page
