Question: Can a Jew and a Catholic have a Jewish wedding?
Answer: You explain in your letter that you and your Jewish fiance are planning a Jewish wedding despite the fact that you are a Roman Catholic. You also mention that children are not part of your future together as you both are "beyond the stage" of having children.
I wish the two of you joy in your life together.
You ask if it is possible for you to have a Jewish wedding and "continue to be what we are -- a Catholic woman and a Jewish man." I believe that the answer is "Yes," but I also advise some caution.
About half of the Reform rabbis in the U.S. do officiate at interfaith weddings in at least some cases. Most of the rabbis who set conditions for officiating at these weddings are chiefly concerned with the Jewish upbringing of children. Since the two of you do not plan on having children, this is a moot issue for you.
My caution is that you consider the meaning of your wedding and what it says about the marriage you will create. By having a Jewish wedding ceremony, I believe that the two of you commit yourselves to creating a Jewish home -- one in which Judaism is observed and celebrated. I believe that you, as a non-Jew, can participate in the creation of such a home, but that this is not necessarily easy. The two of you should talk about what creating a Jewish home would mean to you.
I recommend that you take care, as you interview rabbis and cantors, to find an officiant who will ask you tough questions about why you want a Jewish wedding. Be open to having serious discussions about the marriage you wish to create and the meaning that a Jewish wedding would have for you.
With best wishes,
Rabbi Jeffrey W. Goldwasser
