Question: Can we have two family unveiling ceremonies on one day?
Dear Rabbi,
Is it appropriate for 2 unveilings (within the same family) to be held consecutively on the same day, one after the other? My father wants to have my mother's and his uncles unveiling together out of convenience for out of town guests. I feel this is disrespectful to my mother.
Thank you, Beth
Answer: Dear Beth,
Thanks for writing and I hope that memories of occasions of joy shared with your family in health have brought you all a full measure of comfort.
Traditionally, one did not have unveilings on the same day. I was unable to determine if that is actual law or just well established custom. However, those were days in which virtually all the immediate family lived close by if not in the same community.
However, having encountered this before as a pulpit Rabbi and knowing how complicated it is today to have family come together, I devised the following "legal fiction."
We conducted the first unveiling, walked back to the road and then returned to the same family plot for the second unveiling.
Now, as to the second part of your question, has your father acted correctly. I would certainly urge you to follow the wishes of your father, knowing that one could do so with a little ritual legal fiction, and have both unveilings - even without the legal fiction of a "break" or a little walk to the road. Feel free to discuss what I have written with him.
I suspect that he has already spoken with his Rabbi to conduct both unveilings, and it is Jewish protocol that your father's Rabbi has the final and last word.
Therefore, (1) knowing that it can be done, (2) knowing that a Rabbi has been or will be involved, and (3) wanting to keep peace in the family, I would certainly support your father's wishes to maximize the number of family to be present for your mother and grand uncle.
Best Wishes,
Rabbi Dov
