Question: Ask the Reform Rabbi - Conversion without Family
Answer: Thank you for writing to me and sharing your situation with me. You asked about a situation in which you feel called to convert to Judaism because you say that you have always "felt Jewish." However, your husband and your children are not Jewish and would not be converting with you. You also mentioned that you soon will be meeting with a Reform rabbi and you are worried about "wasting his time" if conversion is not possible in your case.
I have spoken with many people who begin their journey toward conversion by saying that they have a feeling of being Jewish. I'm glad that you are pursuing that feeling and particularly glad that you are meeting with a rabbi to discuss it. I assure you that you are not wasting his time or mine.
There are, however, some difficult issues involved in your process toward conversion. You will need to answer some tough questions and discuss them with your family and rabbi.
What would your family's holiday observances look like after your conversion? Would you continue to observe Christian holidays? How would you relate as a Jew to those observances? How would you observe Shabbat and other Jewish holidays in a family in which you are the only Jew? Being Jewish is not just a matter of feeling or belief, it is also a commitment to observance in the family and in the community. How would you make that work?
These questions are difficult. However, with time and reflection, you may be able to find some answers. Conversion is a long process -- usually a year or more. It usually requires intensive study, participation in the synagogue community, and deep self-reflection. You may find that your answers change over time.
Reform Judaism does not take official positions on who may or may not convert. The Reform Movement has guidelines and recommendations, but decisions are made by individual rabbis. That is why one should be willing to discuss a situation with a number of rabbis to find one whose outlook and style is a good match for your own.
Many Reform rabbis who do not officiate at interfaith weddings also oppose the conversion of people with non-Jewish spouses because the conversion would "create a mixed marriage." Even those who do not take this position recognize that there are many difficulties involved with such a conversion.
The Central Conference of American Rabbis (the organization of Reform rabbis) has a committee on conversion that recently announced its intention to create guidelines for such conversions and other difficult conversion situations. The guidelines will not be binding on Reform rabbis, but the announcement indicates that your issue is very much "on the radar screen" of the Reform Movement.
