Question: Can a wife convert to Judaism if her Christian husband does not convert?
Dear Rabbi,
I am a gentile who follows the Noahide Laws, but it doesn't feel sufficient. I want to convert to Judaism. My Christian husband does not want to convert. Can I convert? If I can't convert, can I live Torah-Observant on my own? I read that some Rabbis of ancient times believed that Gentiles who follow Torah are worthy of death. I would like to become Jewish and raise my children as Jews, but I don't want to disrespect anyone. What is a gentile to do?
Answer: Thank you for your question.
You ask if it would be possible for you to convert to Judaism despite the fact that your nominally Christian husband will not also be converting. You wonder about the possibility of observing Jewish law without a formal conversion, but you have heard that for a non-Jew to do so is condemned by traditional Judaism. You also mention that you have children whom you would like to raise as Jews.
Since you are asking a Reform rabbi, I assume that you are looking for an answer from a Reform perspective. It is a somewhat different answer than you would be likely to hear from an orthodox rabbi.
Many Reform rabbis would advise you not to convert, since your conversion would, de facto, result in an interfaith marriage. However, there also are many Reform rabbis who would consider conversion for you and your children, given your strong determination to live a Jewish life. You should find a rabbi in your area to discuss your situation. You may find that you get a different response than you expect.
In your letter, you refer to a passage from the Talmud (B. Sanhedrin 59a) in which Rabbi Yochanan states that a gentile who studies Torah is "worthy of death." The expression sounds scary, but in the language of the Talmud, it merely indicates Rabbi Yochanan's personal indignation. It does not mean that such a gentile has committed a crime deserving of the death penalty.
This statement from the Talmud has been misapplied by some traditionalists as a blanket prohibition on non-Jews performing the mitzvot (commandments). Such a prohibition would be nearly impossible, in any case. Most of the mitzvot are things that we all, Jews and non-Jews, do every day. Every time you act with compassion toward your fellow human being, you are fulfilling a mitzvah.
The statement by Rabbi Yochanan is understood by Jewish tradition to be a response to a problem that existed for Jews in ancient times. Non-Jews would become knowledgeable of Jewish law for the purpose of harming the Jewish community. For example, a gentile who was antagonistic toward the Jews would learn the laws of kashrut (laws concerning which foods are kosher) in order to attack Jewish slaughtering practices in the Roman courts. Today, when anyone can learn the specifics of Jewish law at their local library (not to mention by a Google search), Rabbi Yochanan's concern does not appear to be valid for our day.
Further, those who rely on this passage to justify prohibiting Jewish practices among non-Jews must ignore the very next statement in the Talmud. Rabbi Meir objected to Rabbi Yochanan's prohibition by stating, "How do we know that a gentile who studies the Torah is as meritorious as the High Priest? From the verse, 'You shall keep My laws and My rules, by the pursuit of which man shall live' (Leviticus 18:5). Priests, Levites, and Israelites are not mentioned, but 'men.' You many learn from this that a gentile who studies the Torah is as meritorious as a High Priest!"
A later amendment to this passage limits the laws that a gentile should study to the seven "Noahide Laws" -- the seven laws of basic moral behavior incumbent on all human beings. However, Rabbi Meir's position remains clear: gentiles are permitted to gain wisdom and merit through the study of Torah and by performing mitzvot.
In general, Reform Judaism does not place restriction on non-Jews observing mitzvot privately. A non-Jew may light Shabbat candles in her home or pray with the congregation. However, almost all Reform congregations restrict non-Jews from performing some mitzvot in roles of public leadership -- such as coming up to the Torah for an aliyah or leading the congregation in prayer.
Talk to a rabbi in your area. You will need to think about the kind of choices you would make in creating a Jewish home for your children if you were to convert. You will also need to discuss your choices with your husband, who would have an important role in raising your children as Jews. These are not easy issues. However, the journey is worth exploring.
I wish you the best as you begin.
Rabbi Jeffrey W. Goldwasser
You ask if it would be possible for you to convert to Judaism despite the fact that your nominally Christian husband will not also be converting. You wonder about the possibility of observing Jewish law without a formal conversion, but you have heard that for a non-Jew to do so is condemned by traditional Judaism. You also mention that you have children whom you would like to raise as Jews.
Since you are asking a Reform rabbi, I assume that you are looking for an answer from a Reform perspective. It is a somewhat different answer than you would be likely to hear from an orthodox rabbi.
Many Reform rabbis would advise you not to convert, since your conversion would, de facto, result in an interfaith marriage. However, there also are many Reform rabbis who would consider conversion for you and your children, given your strong determination to live a Jewish life. You should find a rabbi in your area to discuss your situation. You may find that you get a different response than you expect.
In your letter, you refer to a passage from the Talmud (B. Sanhedrin 59a) in which Rabbi Yochanan states that a gentile who studies Torah is "worthy of death." The expression sounds scary, but in the language of the Talmud, it merely indicates Rabbi Yochanan's personal indignation. It does not mean that such a gentile has committed a crime deserving of the death penalty.
This statement from the Talmud has been misapplied by some traditionalists as a blanket prohibition on non-Jews performing the mitzvot (commandments). Such a prohibition would be nearly impossible, in any case. Most of the mitzvot are things that we all, Jews and non-Jews, do every day. Every time you act with compassion toward your fellow human being, you are fulfilling a mitzvah.
The statement by Rabbi Yochanan is understood by Jewish tradition to be a response to a problem that existed for Jews in ancient times. Non-Jews would become knowledgeable of Jewish law for the purpose of harming the Jewish community. For example, a gentile who was antagonistic toward the Jews would learn the laws of kashrut (laws concerning which foods are kosher) in order to attack Jewish slaughtering practices in the Roman courts. Today, when anyone can learn the specifics of Jewish law at their local library (not to mention by a Google search), Rabbi Yochanan's concern does not appear to be valid for our day.
Further, those who rely on this passage to justify prohibiting Jewish practices among non-Jews must ignore the very next statement in the Talmud. Rabbi Meir objected to Rabbi Yochanan's prohibition by stating, "How do we know that a gentile who studies the Torah is as meritorious as the High Priest? From the verse, 'You shall keep My laws and My rules, by the pursuit of which man shall live' (Leviticus 18:5). Priests, Levites, and Israelites are not mentioned, but 'men.' You many learn from this that a gentile who studies the Torah is as meritorious as a High Priest!"
A later amendment to this passage limits the laws that a gentile should study to the seven "Noahide Laws" -- the seven laws of basic moral behavior incumbent on all human beings. However, Rabbi Meir's position remains clear: gentiles are permitted to gain wisdom and merit through the study of Torah and by performing mitzvot.
In general, Reform Judaism does not place restriction on non-Jews observing mitzvot privately. A non-Jew may light Shabbat candles in her home or pray with the congregation. However, almost all Reform congregations restrict non-Jews from performing some mitzvot in roles of public leadership -- such as coming up to the Torah for an aliyah or leading the congregation in prayer.
Talk to a rabbi in your area. You will need to think about the kind of choices you would make in creating a Jewish home for your children if you were to convert. You will also need to discuss your choices with your husband, who would have an important role in raising your children as Jews. These are not easy issues. However, the journey is worth exploring.
I wish you the best as you begin.
Rabbi Jeffrey W. Goldwasser