Question: Non-Jewish Participation in Bris Ceremony
My husband was born Jewish, and I converted to Judaism. Can my non-Jewish relatives serve as sandak, kvatter, and kvatterin at my son's bris ceremony?
Answer: You ask about inviting your non-Jewish relatives to serve in ceremonial roles at the b'rit milah (bris) of your son, who is due in October. Specifically, you ask about these relatives serving as sandak, kvatter and kvatterin.
The sandak at a brit milah, traditionally, is the person who holds the baby boy during the actual circumcision. Many mohelim (ritual circumcisers) prefer to have the child on a stable surface like a table top. In this case, the sandak is the person who hands the baby to the mohel. Traditionally, the honor often is given to one of the baby's grandfathers. In liberal communities, a woman with this honor is called a sandakit.
The kvatter (male) and kvatterin (female) are the people who bring the child into the room where the b'rit milah ceremony takes place. They hand the baby to the sandak and return the baby to the mother at the end of the ceremony. These honors are often given to an aunt or uncle of the baby, or to a close friend of the parents.
In my own congregation, the community has decided that it is appropriate to invite non-Jewish grandparents and other close relatives to be honored with these roles. This policy was chosen as a reflection of our commitment to including non-Jewish members and non-Jewish family of our members in appropriate ways.
Different liberal communities have different policies and standards regarding whether non-Jews may be given these honors. You should affiliate with a synagogue in your area (if you have not already) and consult with the rabbi regarding the standards of your community.
Best,
Rabbi Jeff Goldwasser
