Question: How should a divorced woman and her former husband do about joint burial plots?
Dear Rabbi,
I am a Jewish, single, divorced woman with questions regarding Jewish law and custom regarding burial for a single, divorced woman.
I still own a joint plot with my ex; what is the law regarding this situation? Also, what would be typical/appropriate writing on a headstone? I have two daughters and no grandchildren yet. (By the way, these are just questions and I expect to be around for a while!)
Thank you
Lynn
Answer: Dear Lynn,
You ask about Jewish law regarding the burial of a divorced couple in the adjacent grave sites they purchased while married.
Clearly, if either you or your former husband are remarried, arrangements should be made that will allow either of you to be buried alongside your current spouse.
Traditional Jewish law states that two individuals who were at enmity with each other in life should not be buried in adjacent graves (Y. D. 362:6). According to some authorities, this law may even be applied to a husband and wife who continually fought with each other but who never divorced.
At the very least, this is a subject that you must discuss with your former husband before making a final decision. Even if you do not consider yourself to be "at enmity" with him, you both must agree before such an arrangement could be made.
If you do arrange for burial in these grave sites, there should be separate markers (headstones) for each of you that include your names and dates of death in Hebrew. I would recommend avoiding any inscriptions that made reference to your former marriage or divorce.
I hope this is helpful to you.
Best wishes,
Rabbi Jeffrey W. Goldwasser
