Question: Can we celebrate my son's bar mitzvah before his 13th birthday?
Is it reasonable to ask my Rabbi to allow my son to celebrate his Bar Mitzvah 6-8 months early? We are members of a Reform Temple in Arizona. My mother has a terminal illness and we would like her to attend our simcha. We have been told that she is unlikely to be able to attend if it is held on his 13th birthday. Is this ever done in the Reform movement?
Answer: Thank you for your letter. You wrote to ask if it would be
"reasonable" to ask your rabbi if your son could celebrate becoming a bar mitzvah before his thirteenth birthday in order to allow your
terminally ill mother to attend the celebration.
My immediate answer to your question is that it is, of course, always reasonable to ask your rabbi a question. Different Jewish
communities have different standards on an issue like this and I'm
sure that your rabbi would be more than happy to talk with you about
the standards of your community.
There is very little in traditional halakhah (Jewish law) about the
celebration of a boy becoming a bar mitzvah. The synagogue service
and celebration that is so familiar to American Jews is actually a
fairly recent innovation. From the perspective of Jewish law, a boy
becomes a bar mitzvah at age thirteen -- without or without a
ceremony to mark it -- and thereby becomes responsible for performing the mitzvot. This life-cycle event is generally marked by calling the boy up to read from the Torah for the first time.
In the twentieth century, liberal Jews began to extend the same
celebration to Jewish girls when they arrive at the age of bat
mitzvah, either at age 12 or 13. Many orthodox Jewish communities
also have begun to adopt bat mitzvah celebrations, although without
having the girls read from Torah.
The Talmud does teach that children under the age of bar mitzvah
should not read from the Torah, but it gives a rather unusual reason. The rabbis of the Talmud assume that the congregation would be dishonored if a child were to read from the Torah because people
might assume that none of the adults present were competent to read
(B. Megilah 23a). Your rabbi may interpret this tradition to allow
for a minor to read in exigent circumstances that might outweigh
concern about the "honor of the congregation." On the other hand,
your rabbi may feel that celebrating a bar mitzvah before the age of
thirteen would serve as a destructive precedent for the community.
I hope this is helpful.
Best wishes,
Rabbi Jeffrey W. Goldwasser
