Been reading in the news about Gentile kids who want their own bar or bat mitzvahs? We may all be shocked, but really should we be? Haven't many b'nai mitzvah – particularly the ones that everyone talks about because they are the biggest, most outrageous bashes – drifted away from tradition? What's so Jewish about a “Sex in the City” theme party or a “shopping” theme party? Why shouldn't non-Jewish kids do it too?

Now that non-Jewish kids want to get into the act, we Jewish folk are suddenly all talking again about an issue Jews have been arguing for years – what's OK and what isn't for a bar/bat mitzvah celebration. And what do the choices people make mean to the rest of us?

Jews know the bar or bat mitzvah “event” isn't the party but the service that precedes it. But actually when a Jewish boy turns 13, or a Jewish girl turns 12, that child is automatically a bar or bat mitzvah – a son or daughter of the commandment – whether there's a service and party or not. You don't really need to do anything to be a bar mitzvah! And although there are Jews who would like to see the party part go away , they're actually, um, sort of required: the Talmud states that it's a mitzvah – a commandment – for a father to host a festive meal on the occasion of his son's bar mitzvah.

The Parties that Divide Us

My theory about the huge cultural divide between Jews over bar/bat mitzvah parties – the people who love them and those who can't bear that it happens – is that it's a complete illusion. There is nothing wrong with or inherently non-Jewish about parties. And if you've ever partied with very observant people on festive occasions, you know that's true! There is only something wrong with the WAY we've been partying. We've been ignoring what is fabulous about ourselves and our tradition and looking outside for irrelevant pop culture themes to elevate and embrace. We've been standing in our own treasure field but looking out to some far horizon. What are we, nuts?

I'll let you in on the most amazing discovery of all: Judaism is the coolest bar/bat mitzvah party theme ever. I know it because I wrote the book that has, I think, proved the case once and for all. MitzvahChic, A New Approach to Hosting a Bar or Bat Mitzvah That is Meaningful, Hip, Relevant, Fun & Drop-Dead Gorgeous is about how amazing we are, how amazing the ideas in the Torah are, and what great parties they can inspire. And parties that are about something compelling are way more exciting and special than those that are just elaborate decorating schemes or homages to television characters.

Having It All

MitzvahChic says that the “mitzvah”– the good works/meaning/spirituality – can be fused with high style. More than just fused. MitzvahChic holds that the meaning and the joy, artfully expressed, are what make the celebration magical. MitzvahChic is a blueprint for how a family can have an amazing bar mitzvah experience and use their emotion to electrify their party.

Anyone can hire a decorator to create some mind-altering backdrop; what makes a bar mitzvah truly wonderful is the way it expresses who you are as a family and how this very special event – already experienced by millions before you – is still somehow uniquely your own.

Not a Lot of Work; Just a Lot of Wonder

How to do it when even an ordinary event already involves a head-spinning array of details? That's the great part. You don't need to do a lot of extra work to have a service and party that transcend the everyday, you just need to change your focus slightly. Here are some of the essential steps:

1. Read your child's Torah portion . OK, seems obvious but how many of us just drop our child with the Cantor and go off to meet with the party planner? I had no previous experience but I read and summarized the complete Torah in MitzvahChic and was astounded by how fascinating and contemporary it was. You don't need to read the whole thing (though you can read my summary in 10 minutes and dazzle everyone forever with your knowledge!) – just look up your child's portion using the dates in the book.
   
2. Look for ideas in the portion that strike a chord with your family. To make that easy, MitzvahChic has reading and viewing suggestions by Torah portion, such as The Red Tent if you have the story of Jacob. Everyone who looks will find something in the Torah that resonates with them. That's because many of the most important ideas that define us as humans were first set down in the Torah: the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule, obviously, but also the idea that animals have a spiritual life, a woman's right to own property, and many other way-before-their-time concepts. Judaism is a religion that's about having passion for ideas. Frankly, it rocks and once your child discovers that on this occasion, he/she will have that sense of pride and wonder forever.
   
3. Have a dazzling party built around the ideas that move you . MitzvahChic has party ideas for every Torah portion and also shows color photos of “Eight Complete Parties That Will Leave You Farklempt !” based on broad themes from Torah. So don't imagine a party that's about real ideas can't be fabulous! Many have fun activities as part of the plan – a treasure hunt for charms and artifacts in a sandbox, a way to make a tallit at the party, a recipe for manna, games played with spy gear, instructions to build your own red tent. MitzvahChic parties still have dancing, DJs and all the usual great stuff – they just add a layer of magic and mystery on top.
   
4. Make it more of a mitzvah by building tzedakah in. Buy invitations that support Righteous Gentiles or fund the planting of trees in Israel, “twin” with an Ethiopian Jew newly arrived in Israel or with the memory of a child who perished in the Holocaust, buy party favors that fund the fight against breast cancer or help save endangered species. The opportunities to contribute – and to find a cause that matches your passion – are virtually unlimited.
   
5. Follow all the rules that make any milestone party great! Your guests want to laugh, they want to cry; they want a BIG experience with you. Great celebrations aren't just parties – they're unique and powerful experiences where every guest feels treasured and engaged and the guest of honor even more so. The magic comes from the tone you set and the many special moments: the speeches, the ceremonies, and the overall sense of a modern family reaching through the millennia to touch the eternal. Let the ideas, the values, and the personality of your party reflect YOU, not the party professionals you hire.
   
   Since the 1950s b'nai mitzvah have followed the same formula and nothing has changed except which trendy themes are in vogue. But now, we recognize that there's got to be more, that we've exhausted the thrills and satisfaction we can get through decorating and the old routines alone.
   
   The new MitzvahChic bar or bat mitzvah harnesses the wonder of the human adventure. It's a potentially life-changing journey into the heart of the ancient mysteries and an exploration of what it means to be Jewish today. Take the journey and, once you and your guests have experienced the wonder, who knows where it will lead you…as Jews and as human beings.
   
   To learn more about the new soulful bar/bat mitzvah or to buy the book MitzvahChic , visit www.MitzvahChic.com.

* This article was written by Gail Greenberg, Creator of MitzvahChic.

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