This is an involved question on teshuva. Someone I'll call "A" had a history of molesting young children from the time he was about 12 to about 15 years old. The molestations were without penetration or violence; thus, people on our religious moshav turned a blind eye. Today A is now in his early twenties, attending a yeshiva in Safed, and recently married. He has not, to my knowledge, done any more molestations.

How does one know if one has REALLY done teshuvah? I can see the externals - long payis, black clothes, a clean life, etc., but what is going on inside this person? If the molester has not asked for forgiveness from the children he damaged, is his teshuvah complete? If he hasn't been punished in the least for his numerous disgusting deeds, is his teshuvah complete? Am I justified in keeping this person off my private property, for example, if he wants to visit some relatives that happen to be renting an apartment from me? Would I be considered lax and stupid if I hired this "ex" molester to be an unsupervised babysitter for my grandchildren? Am I supposed to forgive this person on Yom Kippur, knowing that probably one or more of his small victims will have serious problems later in life. Is there such a thing as a " reformed " child molester? How does one doing teshuvah make these things "right" again.? Are we supposed to just ignore the damage the sinner inflicted on others? Is teshuvah just saying you are sorry to the victim (which in this case was not done) and just walking away? Can you set me straight?

Answer

We should assume after so many years that the man has done Teshuva, and we may not in any way disrupt his marriage and disturb his family.

While you may be careful and not let him baby-sit your grandchildren, you have no right to refuse his entry to property that you rented out to others. When you rent out your property, it is as if the property belongs to the people who are renting.

The man should apologize sincerely to the people he molested. If the apologoy would only further hurt the people, he can do it via others, and without mentioning for what he is apologizing - (source: "Code of Jewish Law" O.C. 606:1; MB 2-3 there).

We should all be concerned about our own personal Teshuva and apologize to those whose feelings we have hurt in any manner whatsoever; and not be so concerned about others as to their thoughts - e.g. perhaps, they will get excited when "seeing a girl's dress fly," etc., or reprimanding others about their obligations to apologize.

If there is a sincere concern about damage he might cause in the future, there are some very stringent rules as to what we may tell others in order to warn them.

In brief, the seven conditions, listed in "Chafetz Chaim" 1:10, are:

1. That the negative aspects you know, should be firsthand information, i.e - what you saw or heard; not from hearsay.

2. You should not conclude in haste that what you saw or heard, is negative. Investigate whether there are extenuating circumstances.

3. You have to first reprove the accused, directly, in a genial manner, before acting upon it.

4. There should be absolutely no exaggeration of the accusations.

5. That you should have the sole intention of helping others; no ill feelings or revenge whatsoever.

6. Seriously try to find a different way (other than speaking evil on this person to anyone), whereby the problem would be resolved otherwise.

7. That not one iota of damage should be done to the person, more than he would have had, had the case been taken to a Bet Din, with the evidence that exists.

See "Chafetz Chaim" there, for the elaborate sub-conditions to these seven.