What is the requirement for saying kaddish? Should I say kaddish for a grandparent? Does it depend on whether or not they still have living children? For my father's parents, their daughter (my aunt) is still alive, but I don't think she says kaddish for them on their yahrzeit. Also, my brother insists on saying kaddish for my father according to the Gregorian calendar date, rather than the Hebrew date. This has been a great source of conflict between us, and the only way for us to deal with it is to not discuss it. He does it on one date, and I do it on the other. (We are Conservative.) Is this wrong?

Answer

The Kaddish is usually recited by the male children. If there are no male children who can recite the Kaddish, then the children should hire someone (hiring is preferable; rather than asking for favors) to recite Kaddish. When the children have died, then there is no more an obligation to keep the Yahrzeit (day of the year), by reciting Kaddish.

You are doing the correct thing by keeping the Yahrzeit according to the Hebrew day of the year - (source: "Code of Jewish Law" O.C. 132; "Biur Halacha" - Ma'amar Kaddishin" there).