Question

I have a long standing argument with my wife. She calls herself Jewish because her parents are Jewish. However, she does not believe in God and she knows nothing about Judaism. I went to a Catholic Church every Sunday while growing up, but I have probably been inside a synagogue as many times as my wife has. On many occassions, she has told me that she does not believe in God because she has no proof. She lights Hannukah candles every year, but did not  know why until I asked her and she went to look up the answer. Now we have a two year old daughter. My wife wants to give her daily Hanukkah gifts and do Christmas too. I don't understand how she can claim to be Jewish and want our child to observe Jewish holidays when she does not believe in God or know anything about Judaism. All I can compare it to would be if I, as a Christian, did not believe in Christ. In such a case, I think it would be best just to ignore the whole thing. Can you give me any advice?

Answer

Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts. I'd like to make a few points:

Being Jewish is a legal status, either by virtue of having a Jewish mother, or by proper conversion. According to Jewish law, this will remain the person's status forever. There is no way one can lose his status as a Jew even if he thinks he has gone so far as to convert to another religion! 

Having said that, Jews are obligated to keep the 613 commandments of the Bible. If your wife is unaware of these, I suggest attending a Discovery seminar. It provides an excellent framework and overview of the entire gamut of Jewish history, philosophy, and literature. The seminar is given in hundreds of cities throughout the world. For a current schedule, email discovery.usa@aish.com or go to http://www.discoveryseminar.org/Info/schedule.htm.

You sound like a sincere man and I am sure you will encourage your wife to explore Judaism more seriously.