Question

I'm going to respond personally and not represent the Conservative movement, but probably will represent a rather large proportion of Conservative Rabbis on the issue of homosexuality in Judaism.

First of all, let's deal with the issue of gender identity and gender orientation. It appears to be an issue far more of genetics rather than of environment or nurture or trauma. Thus, it is one's nature to identify as one who prefers to have a loving relationship with someone of the same gender.

Secondly, it is no one's business about the nature of the relationship, or the degree to which it is a sexual relationship. There are people who live together and are celibate, which would apparently satisfy all except those who maintain that it is a mitzvah and imperative to reproduce the next generation. But, let us also not forget that oral and anal sex are permitted between husband and wife; why would they be forbidden to a loving couple of the same gender?

Thirdly, there is a significant question about the nature of the Torah text that is used for the basis on objecting to homosexual relationships and sexual activity. I take the text, particularly in its context, to be discussing ancient pagan rites rather than a committed, loving, long-term relationship.

Your local synagogue isn't accepting you because orthodox Judaism is still unready to take the steps I have outlined above. You will have one of two choices: 1) stay in the closet and doven and participate in the orthodox community or 2) find a traditional synagogue of a more liberal stripe with regard to same-sex partnerships in which to invest your spiritual time and make your contribution as a Jew.

I wish you the best of luck and will always be here to listen and respond.