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Question
I am a recent convert to Judaism, and I have some questions about the process,
in preparation for the High Holy Days, of making apologies to people one has
or may have harmed during the past year.
1. How specific does one have to be when asking forgiveness before Yom Kippur
(do we have to mention the specific incident)?
2. What if one has sinned against another without that person's knowledge (ex.
lashon hara (gossip))?
3. Does one need to ask forgiveness of non-Jews (an important question for a
convert like me)? How would one go about doing that? Would a person explain
the Jewish custom and then ask forgiveness? Would it be acceptable to write
a letter to close non-Jewish family and friends telling them how much they mean,
in lieu of asking forgiveness in a more specific way?
Any guidance you could give me would be most appreciated.
Answer
For those whom you may have disappointed or hurt generally, then a general
request is certainly appropriate.
On the other hand, if there is someone you have specifically hurt, then
this is the time to attempt to make amends. If bringing it up and you think
that it has already been settled, I would let it rest. But it's a fine line
to walk and good luck.
While there is no obligation per se to ask for forgiveness from non-Jews,
why not indicate that it is a season for forgiveness and you hope that they
will understand that you are human and wish to receive their forgiveness to
complete your own atonement. Why not?
Best Wishes,
Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner
Foundation for Family Education (FFFE)
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