| Ask Rabbi Lerner | |
|
Question
I am a non-Jewish female dating a Jewish man who's parents are from Israel. We have been happy together for two years now, but haven't been able to convince his parents to accept us. We have told them that should we get married, I would definitely convert (as I have always had an interest in Judaism anyway). We've even broken up because of this but after a few months realized how miserable we were without each other. Do you have any advice to help us possibly appease his parents. I would hate to have in-laws who can't accept me, but I also don't want to have to give up the man I truly love.
Answer
Thanks for writing and this is not an unusual situation. Allow me to share
several observations.
1. If you are interested in Judaism, why not start now. Perhaps the parents
are also asking that question. To convert just for marriage is not only
untraditional but less than meaningful. I'll tell you that of many
conversions I've performed, some started out with a significant other, the
relationship broke up but the conversion continued through all of its
stages. It truly was a serious religious personal commitment.
2. You may be miserable without each other now, but it is also quite
possible - some say probable - that when you marry and encounter the
incredible number of challenges regarding each other's background, in-laws,
and of course children, you'll be even more unhappy. And, the children of
such marriages frequently tell me how unhappy they are without knowing who
or what they are and how they are supposed to behave and believe without
"offending" one parent or set of grandparents.
3. There are no answers to appease his parents of which I am aware,
certainly not knowing them. But, it may be time to sit down with them and
ask them, specifically what it is that bothers them and how they feel about
your conversion. Keep in mind that there are still Jews today - not that I
agree with them at all - who feel that conversion is impossible; Judaism is
physical and racial in their minds. Check them out.
4. You should definitely consider meeting with a Rabbi in your community
and with your boy friend. If the parents don't belong to a synagogue, I'd
be delighted to help you find a synagogue and Rabbi.
These should start you, your boy friend and everyone thinking.
Best Wishes,
Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner
Foundation
for Family Education (FFFE)
More Answers from Rabbi Lerner
|
|

