Ask the Rabbi: Is Cremation Allowed in Judaism?

Today I have a new blog feature to share with you called "Ask the Rabbi." Every day questions arrive in my inbox and while I'm more than happy to answer them, sometimes people will ask for a rabbi to weigh in on their question. That's where this new feature comes in. Previously, "Ask the Rabbi" was a part of the "Judaism Basics" section of this site, but I've moved it over to the blog so that the questions will be highlighted on the front page and so readers like yourself will have the opportunity to respectfully share their thoughts. Of course, I'll always ask for permission before sharing a question.

This week Rabbi Joshua Hammerman, a Conservative Rabbi from Temple Beth El in Connecticut, answers a question about cremation in Judaism.

Q. My husband and I are Conservative Jews. We have decided to be cremated when we die because our families on both sides (siblings and children) do not associate with us. We have no one, and even though we relate very much to the Holocaust, we believe there will be no one who will be with either of us during this period of death and mourning. We aren't clear on Jewish views of cremation though - would it be allowed if we were Reform Jews? Would we have to be buried in a non-Jewish cemetery? Please help us with this matter.

A. Thank you for your question, which I want to address on a few levels.

First, yes, the practice of cremation is something foreign to Judaism, and that runs across the board, to all denominations. Surely the Holocaust plays into this in our generation (although I've recently heard of some Jews desiring TO be cremated precisely in order to show solidarity with Holocaust victims - a practice that in my mind is counter-intuitive), but the rationale goes to the heart of what it means to be a Jew. We believe that human beings are created in God's image; there is something about each of us that is of infinite value. Our bodies are therefore sacred and should not be summarily destroyed. If we treat the dead with dignity, the hope is that we will treat the living with the same measure of respect. The Nazis did the opposite, of course, branding people like cattle, crushing them like insects and slaughtering them like sheep.

That having been said, Conservative and Reform rabbis alike should always be looking toward the needs of the mourners and, in many cases would officiate at memorial services and Shivas, regardless of how the deceased was interred. There are even rulings allowing for the interment of ashes at a Jewish cemetery. I don't see any significant difference between Reform and Conservative practice in that regard. Some rabbis might even officiate at the interment, but be assured that most would officiate, at the very least, at a service taking place elsewhere, before the cremation occurs.

My greatest concern regarding your letter, however, has to do with your feelings of isolation. There is an old adage, "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone" (The rest of the quote goes, "For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth, But has trouble enough of its own"). Judaism believes that, in fact, no one should weep alone. The mourner's Kaddish, for instance, is recited with a minyan, at least ten present, representing a community. Online communities are terrific, but as of yet, they have not replaced the flesh and blood communities that visit during Shiva and pull together a minyan for Kaddish. At a time of great mobility, where so many people are without family nearby, the importance of community has intensified. We all need such connections or we feel cast aside, lonely and adrift.

So you are not alone in feeling so lonely. It's a problem so many share. While I always encourage relatives to reconcile, what's most important for you now is to find a community, somewhere near you, and connect. I'd be happy to suggest congregations if you wish. That way, when the time comes - as it inevitably does - where you suffer a loss, you will have the support you so desperately need.

In friendship and peace,
Rabbi Joshua Hammerman